Everything was all happy families as a little unit of 3, this is probably what your toddler was thinking. They had all of your love, attention and BOOM along comes a little sproglet!!

What can we do to help with the new big brother or sister role? Seeing them suffer is not by any means enjoyable and it’s tearing your heart apart, right? We all know that our love for our little ones is endless and you have plenty to be shared around all of the offspring, but do they know that? Maybe not.

Maybe in their little worlds, they think that they are being shoved off to nursery because they’re not wanted around the house anymore, all you want to do is spend time with the new addition, everyone gets to stay at home whilst I have to go away… These are probably some of the big thoughts going through their heads as you’re trying to organize the mayhem in the morning and get to school on time!

Of course none of these are true but these thoughts are probably why your perfect little angel is now rebelling at home, not wanting to go to school, having nightmares, wetting themselves… when before none of these occurred! How has it gone so far out of the window and why?! HELP!

Let’s start with the why, why is this happening? Well, what do they want? Your attention. And when do they want it? Now. Can we always do this with a new little bean, perhaps not. Perhaps the explosive poo has got your hands occupied, perhaps you’ve just got the newborn off to sleep and they need to be quiet, or perhaps your breastfeeding.

Here are a few tips to build up what might have gone tumbling down.

Try to assess what the key problem areas are. If you always took big brother or sister to school and now someone else is doing it, is there any way that you can go back to this routine and have someone look after the newborn? Then their feeling of being replaced won’t be such a big feeling anymore. If not, take the newborn along too and have big brother show him the way, have talks along the way about how much fun school is going to be and what they’ll be doing and that later they’ll have to tell the little one all about it!

One on one time is crucial. Obviously you might be feeling like your eyes are going to pop out of your head with exhaustion but they need this time with you. Make this time 100% dedicated to them. What is their idea of fun? Maybe a walk to see the diggers, feeding the ducks, or flying their kite at the park, whatever it may be make it memorable, for you too (you need a little chill time with the big sibling as well) and stress free all round.

Pick your battles, pick your days, pick your moments. There are some things that you would have corrected, taken the time to demonstrate, or fussed over. But now you’ve got double trouble. It is not the end of the world if big sis doesn’t want to put on her shoes today, just help her and today it’s done, tomorrow is a new day and she might be feeling up for it. Don’t make mountains out of molehills when the vibe is already a little delicate!

Last but not least, what even is a big brother or sister? Try to think of all the positive, nice things there could be about this role, make a star-chart and stick it on the fridge! At the end of the day, talk through it and see how much of an awesome sibling they are. Make the reward something simple like an extra book at bedtime, something that gives them more quality time with mum and dad.

At Wonderland, sometimes parents give us the news that their champion will be a brother or sister soon and our response is like, ‘ahh ha, that is why… like the penny has dropped and their changes in behaviour have an explanation. Their worlds are rocked from pregnancy, they will have ups and downs. Sometimes they will enjoy their new role, sometimes they won’t and sometimes they are just trying to figure it all out. We work with the families here at nursery, we read books about the changes, talk about and show interest in the new baby and work on how to express our feelings.

And to all the mums and dads out there, chill. It’s a hard life out there but just be the best you can be and I’m sure you’re rocking the parent life of 2 kiddiewinks!!